Diary Of Selphie
by SeeD Selphie Tilmitt
Summary: Selphie Exclusive. Read? Review? PLease, I suck I summaries. I never know what my stories are about anyway.. And rating changed on Seifer's behalf.
1. Day 1 Zell

**A/N:** Okay this is my first attempt on something sorta humorus and really, I think I suck at all things funny. But, that's okay since I'm enjoying doing this and I hope you ladies and gents like it. Read on!

**Diary Of Selphie**

**Day 1**

Today I spent the day with Zell. We went out to Balamb and spent some time preparing him for his date with that library girl.

And when I mean prepare I mean the whole ordeal. This guy knows nothing!

**First: Dress**

I had to help him pick out a decent pair clothing for their date, since obviously he doesn't have anything good to wear, well, other than the SeeD uniform( but who wants to wear that on date?). So we got that done with much difficulty.

Why was it so difficult? Easy. Zell wanted this horrendous green suit with orange, blue, and purple dots on them(Seriously, who wears that crap?! And by that, it's clears his mother must have to pick out his clothes cause he has no taste!) We all know you should not wear something as funky and ugly as that on date. He'd scare his date off.

Anyway, the guy kept insisting on it, but with much persuasion and patience (And a couple of threats concerning his chocobo plushie getting decapitated) it worked out quite nicely with me picking out simple navy blue jeans and a black button up shirt(He's a messy eater).

And of course you can't have new clothes without a nice pair of shoes to go with them! So as the awesomely wonderful person that I am, we went out to the shoe store and got him some, but while there he again insisted on something very hideous! Orange shoes with some funky design on it(Gawd! What rock did he crawl out of?)

So, once again it's Selphie to rescue. With my extraordinary skills in the art blackmail I got him to agree upon a pair of black sneakers (Whites gets dirty to easily).

**Second: Manners and Dinning**

Next, after all that clothes and shoe shopping we went to a nice all you can eat restaurant. Courtesy of Zell. To say the least, though, it was actually still decent.

And well seeing as we're in an all you can eat restaurant, I taught him the importance of manners and how to eat not like a pig. Of course the guy tried to convince me that he didn't, but I wasn't listening. Obviously I've been around him long enough to know that he does (I also have witnesses who could testify that the man eats like a garbage disposal.)

Anyway, I took on the pleasure of telling him what things to do for the girl on arrival, like helping to seat the her. You know pulling her chair out for her and all that jazz.

He had the nerve to ask me why. I nicely answered "Why in the heck else would you do something like that? To be polite, you idiot." And in response to that, he sent me a hurt look, so I apologized for him being an idiot and for me calling him one. He seemed to brighten up on that, so I was happy.

Moving on, I would have suggested him probably ordering for his date or at least recommend something that he knows is tasty, but seeing as we're in a, well, you know. I just told him to get the kind of drink she wanted for her, since you have to get your own food and all.

**Third: Getting ready for the date.**

Well we finished eating at the restaurant, and headed back to Garden after Zell had about five different plates of food and 3 glasses of soda (Which I don't was a good idea to say the least.)

We went back to his room and he tried on the clothes and shoes he got and I must say, he was looking very gorgeous, mind(I made sure to tell him that, too). So this gotta be a sure hit. Nothing can go wrong on this date.

Now, since his date started at 7'o'clock, we had to hurry. It was 6:50 which only gave us 10minutes to get ready. We made any last minute adjustments that was needed and I sent him off, with 3minutes to spare.

Oh, an before he left I made sure to tell him to take her out somewhere fun after dinner.

I'm so proud of myself!

**Final: **

Okay, so I didn't think about this problem until now. The fact that we went out to eat before his date with the library girl, and that fact that he had 5 different plates of food and 3 sodas…

You can probably guess what happened. I know I said nothing can go wrong, and well… I was wrong.

Something did go wrong.

All right to say this it did start off well, they actually made it to the restaurant. Yay! But that's where it ends.

Sometime during his date all that food and drink caught up with him which ended his date earlier than expected. From what he told me, the beginning was running smooth (which I already said did.) But just before he could sit down and eat, his stomach started to bubble(That isn't good).

He had to potty and not the nice kind of quickie. It was the disgustingness of, well.. the case of diarrhea. He said he spent practically the whole date in the males bathroom(Not how you want to spend your date, especially your first one) before she suggested on coming back to Garden. Even after that he claimed he spent that time back here in his restroom..

It might seem mean, but I laughed at the whole thing. But I quickly stopped when he had the nerve to say it was my fault. MY FAULT?! How the fudge nutters is it my fault?

He's the one who ate like a pig and drank all that soda. So, how is it my fault? Unless I shoved all that food down his throat and forced him to drink all that soda. Which of course I didn't. I made sure I told him it was his.

And to think I spent time to help him out during my very busy schedule just to get him ready for his date!

So, went and spent about 15 minutes debating on who fault it was.. And well.. Maybe it was mine.. I should have known better than to take Zell to a restaurant that had lots of food in it (Though he was the one who suggested that particular restuarant, but i agreed to it..). Worst yet, an all you can eat one. We just agreed it was both of ours in the end.

In the end, as the most ultra spectacular friend that I am, I made it up to him and got him another with the library girl for next week. So we both were happy and I had a good laugh, not to mention something new to blackmail Zell with. Hehe.

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A/N: Okay this is it! End of chapter one. I hope it was all right an I'll have more to come in the weeks passings. Maybe months since everything is on a whim and all. I know sad, but it's me and I'm slow. Mwhaha. Anywho R&R, giving me your feedback.

~Selphie!~


	2. Day 2 A Long Awaited Mission

**A/N: **Well, here is day two. Didn't takes weeks to write like I would have guessed, but that doesn't go for saying the other ones won't take that long. No biggy though. Anyway, read and enjoy. Uh, assuming anyone is actually reading. u_u;

**Disclaimer: **Roses are red, violets are blue, I do not own any Final Fantasy ah-boo hoo hoo.

**Diary Of Selphie**

**Day 2**

Oh my Hyne! Guess what?! I just got a mission. And not just any old boring mission, it's a infiltration one. The kind I can put my super duper stealthy moves to the test. Yay me!

Okay, yeah, I'm a little too excited about something I don't have the exact details about, but that's gonna be all sorted out when I go and see, Cid and Squall, the men of authority. And well… I'm also excited 'cause this will be my first mission in a long time. Squall the prude has been avoiding letting me go on them. He thinks I'm not capable of it. Same goes for the headmaster.

Pfft, like fiddle sticks I'm not! I'm down right more than capable of doing a mission.

Well, anyway, I'm sure their letting me have this one since I'm going to have a partner(I wonder who?). Ah, well, I'll find out when I go and I better get going now. I'll come back with more information!

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……….Well, I can say I'm happy about the mission. Like I said before it's an infiltration mission. We're going to Galbadia's information base where they keep all they're highly classified stuff at. Meaning some super duper bad plans. I just know it! It always seems Galabadia is always against us. If not that Esthar and I'm sure that's what it's about.

I betcha you're wondering who my partner is, right? I'm not too happy about it, but the prude Squall and the mother hen Cid, they're… they're..

SQUALL AND CID ARE SO MEAN!!! The nerve of them making me work with Seifer!

That's right. I'm working with Seifer.

Okay, it's not that I hate him or dislike him in anyway, but the guy is a pain in the rear. He's always saying mean things to me and calling me that stupid nickname. You know the one, Messenger Girl. I really despise that Hyne forsaken name(But I guess it's better than Irvy's. He gets called, STD boy…hehe..).

Ah, but to say the least, I got a mission and I'm not gonna let blondie ruin it for me. And if he does, I'll make him rue the day he messed with Selphie Tilmitt! MWHAHAHA!!!

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**A/N: **The end. Give me some feedback on what you like or don't like about it and what I can do to make future chapters or stories better. Thanks.

~Selphie~


	3. Day 3 Morning Of Selphie's Mission

Diary Of Selphie

**A/N: **Read. Enjoy. Review.

**Day 3**

An image came into view of a brunette with gravity defying hair, sparkling green emerald eyes and a smile so wide that it would crack anyone else's jaw.

"Hey, hey, hey! It's me Selphie Tilmitt here. Brought to you live from one of Winhill's Inn. I'm not sure of the exact name of it, I wasn't paying much attention on arrival... Anyway, I'm here on behalf of my mission!"

A goofy smile appeared on the brunettes lips.

"In case you're wondering, I'm getting ready for the awesome that is about to take place. Um, or rather I'm waiting for the slow blond to hurry up and get ready." She giggled lightly. " That's Seif--"

Before she could finish her sentence a white fluffy object was hurled at the back of her head, cutting her short of speech. A deep voice followed not to soon afterwards as an vague image of a grey coat came into view.

"Shut up, Messenger Girl. Unless you want another object thrown at your ass, I suggest you shut up and turn off that damn camcorder." The person walked over to the door and stopped in front of it with a hand on the knob. "You and it are annoying and we got a hyne fucking mission to get ready to do. So if you don't mind, get off your ass and get movin' or it won't be a pillow flying at you head, but Hyperion."

With that said and done the person opened the door and walked out closing it begin him. Selphie turned around in her seat and stuck her tongue out at the door, which the grey coated clad person had exited.

"Stupid Seifer, have to ruin my fun… I'll teach him to throw a pillow at me!" She mumble while turning back around in her seat an angry express on her face, before a smile came to grace her lips once more.

" I got the perfect plan for revenge and if he does something like that again he gets double the dose." The green eyed girl laugh maliciously. She stopped her sinister laugh and straightened herself up. "Well, you heard blondie we got a mission to take care of. See ya until I get back!"

"Ending transmission! Booyaka!"

A/N: Decided to try my hand at something a bit different here for this chapter. I'm not sure if I did a good job, but I went for it.

Not sure if I'll do it for the next one too, or wait until they get back to Balamb for her to write it, but it'll be known once I actually write it. Ah, well, ciao!

~Selphie~


	4. Day 4 Mission A Success

**Diary Of Selphie**

**Disclaimer: **Don't own and nor will I ever.

**Day 4**

I'm sure you have guessed it. Or maybe not, but I'm back at Garden. FINALLY! After 2 days I'm away from the blond! He's been torturing me since we started the mission. Or rather while we were on it!

Like, he was chewing gum while we were sneaking in the Galbadia Information Base and spit the darn gum in my hair!(WHO DOES THAT?!)

Anyway, while I was hacking into the data base main frame(Note: I still had the gum in my hair) and loading the info onto a disk while sending the rest to Cid's computer to cut the down time of loading all the info needed, while Seifer was busying standing guard.

And as all goes, you'd expect a person to be quiet while looking out for the enemy, but NO! He was busy throwing insults at me. He was all like:

" Tilmitt, can't you hurry the fuck up? You're so damn slow. Really, I don't know how or why you even got this mission. You're not even capable of handling it!"

Okay… I could take him spitting gum in my hair (Which is going to take me centuries to get it out), and I could take him calling me slow and on every occasion the nickname "Messenger Girl" , BUT NO!! He has gone too far with insulting my capabilities of taking on a mission!

I get enough of that from Squall and Cid (Mainly Squall. He told me a couple of times already..), but to get it from him too… I. WILL. NOT. STAND. FOR. IT. I already got my whole revenge planned and not to mention I told him off.

I was like "Listen you! I've had enough of people telling me what I am and am not able to do! AND! I've certainly had it with you saying unpleasant things to me! You are being a total ass and I do not appreciate it. I get enough of this bull from Squall.-All-high-and-mighty-I- got- a-stick-up-my-ass! I surely don't need or want it from you, too! Got that, Mr. Egotistical-I-Got-A-Swollen-Head-Guy!?"

Hehe. The look on his face was so priceless! His mouth was agape and eyes all huge. He looked like a fishy to me. Haha!

Anyway, tragedy struck then… My little out burst got overheard and the ding dongs came rushing! So in all haste and amazing brilliance (Done on my part) I did what any awesome special ops person would do. I set the base to self destruct in 15 minutes, taking the loaded data with me and getting out of there.

Well, I must say, I was happy to know that the soldiers weren't stupid enough to try and fight us while in a building that was about to explode.

Gotta love the self destruct command.

Anyway, we got unharmed and in the nick of time. The thing exploded only seconds after we got out the gate.

Man.. That always looks so beautiful. Kind of reminds me of fireworks, plus the loud BANG! Is like music to my ears. I think Seifer and the Galbadian soldiers didn't share my open, 'cause Seifer was busy glaring at me, covered in dirt, while the blue clad Galbadians were driving away in a panic, while those on foot ran like a herd of PMSing Quistis' were after them(I'd be running too if that were true. She's really scary….)

Anyway, that's what happened. Everything after our mission was boring and uneventful. You know, like going back to the inn in Winhill and leaving for Balamb the next day(That's today if you're wondering, so I just got back.).

OH! But the best part of coming back to Garden was getting a "Job well done" from Squally. I was ecstatic over that. I know I'll be getting more missions from this day forward.

Hehe, so can't wait.

Toodles.

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**A/N: I hope this was one was alright and that you enjoyed it. It took me a while since I sorta kept forgetting to continue it writing it, but chapter 4 is done! Woot!**

**Well, that's all, and if you have any helpful advice for me, feel free to tell me. I need to know what I'm doing wrong and how to make this or future stories better. It would be very much appreciated. Thank you.**

**Ciao, dearies.**


	5. Day 5 A Run in with Quistis

Diary of Selphie

**Day 5**

**Heya! I'm sure you're wondering if I exacted my revenge on Mr. Almasy yet, but unfortunately I haven't. I got it all under control though. I'll let ya see it first hand. Mwahaha!**

**Anyway, enough about that. I came to talk to ya about my day. Okay like, I ran into Quisty. Literally. And of course like the reinstated instructor she is, she yelled at me about running in the halls and watching where I am going. **

**Man, the woman must have a nag alarm on her or something. The lady never let's up. She was all like: **

"**Selphie, you are old enough to know not to run in the halls. More so you are a SeeD and need to set an example for the younger cadets. And most importantly, watch where you are going. Someone could have gotten hurt for your lack of safety. SO for that, I must discipline you. You have detention with me this afternoon. And now with that said." She had the nerve to smile nice like at this point. "Let's have lunch this afternoon. See ya, Selphie."**

**Yeah, okay I deserved that a little, but did she have to give me detention? I mean, I never gotten a detention in my life! Why start now, ya know? And what was with that smile and inviting me to lunch? I swear this is the starting sign of being bipolar.**

**Back to dreading my fate.**

**Oh man… That's going to be a total bummer. It's going, like, on my permanent record thingy!**

**And if I must say so myself that wasn't even the worse part. It just so happen that Seifer was not too far away and he saw and heard the whole thing! My life is ruined. He's been teasing me all day and I'm positive he'll continue it until tomorrow…**

**Anyway, I should probably get going to my doom. I'll be back! **

**2: 36 pm**

**Okay, I am back and to tell you, detention with Quistis is like 24 hours held up in a meeting with the bosses ranting and raving about not enough money coming in and all the other boring stuff. The woman could learn to make things more interesting.**

**That aside though, lunch was great. I mean she bought me food! Tons of it. Whatever I wanted in fact. She claimed she felt guilty and even more so since she caught Seifer giving me a hard time about it.**

**And Hyne knows she knew how it felt because he manages to give her trouble on occasions still, too. Hehehe, this great.**

**Anyway, away from the teasing, I guess this day wasn't TOO bad. And I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Why? Why indeed. And to answer that, she's buying me lunch again; also we're going to the beach. All of us. Yes, even Seifer and Squall. So yay!**

**A day to look forward to…**


	6. Day 6 A Day At The Beach

**Diary Of Selphie**

**Day 6**

A voice whispered into the microphone of the camera. "Dear Diary, today is the day I told you about. If you forgot, it's the beach trip I planned with everyone and as you guessed it, everyone is here. Yes, even Squall. Anyway, I decided to bring my video camera instead. To capture this day, our memory, instead of just writing about. So as my live diary, capture every bit of this memory as possible. I don't ever want to forg--" Selphie was soon interrupted.

"Selphie, how do I look? Is my hair okay?" Rinoa fixed her hair as she smiled into the camera. The view of Rinoa on the monitor disappeared and a nice take of the ocean, sand and sky was now displayed.

The video camera only caught the voice of Selphie and not her image as she still recorded the scenery "Rinny, your hair is fine. Really though, I don't think you have to worry about it anyway. After all we are at the beach!" Selphie turned the camera back to Rinoa getting her back into the picture. Rinoa huffed at Selphie's comment, her hands placed on her hips.

"At the beach or not. I want to look good for the camera. You know, I'm going to be an actress one day. And that being said, I need to look good. No. More than good. Perfect." The raven-haired beauty posed in the camera.

"And cue the self-centered attitude." Came a rough voice out of nowhere. The image displayed in the camera changed, showing a tall, slightly muscular blonde haired male in blue swimming trunks and no shirt.

Another new voice could be heard " You would know all about that wouldn't you, Seifer? I mean, your living proof of all things vain." Selphie turned the camera at the source of the new voice. It was Quistis in a purple bikini and shorts.

Selphie laughed as she got the two in view, catching Seifer glaring at her for laughing. He then turned to Quistis. "You know, Trepe, you're pretty damn annoying. Don't you have anything else to do beside bothering me. Like drowning in the water or something or chasing after puberty boy over there."

By the looks of it, the blonde haired female was about to retort something back, but Rinoa interrupted and she stepped into the view. The camera now caught all three.

"Seifer Almasy! Why do you have to be such a dick to everyone? Show some restraint. And F.Y.I, Squall is mine! She cannot have him, so keep from mentioning him!" Rinoa's face was red from anger and the instructor just blinked, not sure whether she should laugh or be a little angry at Rinoa. Seifer smirked, looking smug as ever.

"F.Y.I you just helped further insult your boyfriend. And by the way, Rinoa, you had no complaints about this dick when he was inside of you, making you moan his name in pleasure la--" Rinoa quickly put her hands over Seifer's mouth. All the while her face was even redder than before. Out of embarrassment and possibly anger.

"…Even though I would love to stay and chat, I'm going for a…swim" Quistis walked away out of sight with no further words being said.

"Uh…" Different scenes flashed by quickly until landing on a short haired brunette male in the distance reclined on a beach chair. " I gotta go. BYE!" Selphie said as she rushed off leaving the other two behind to whatever business they'll start up next.

The closer Selphie walked the more the unsuspecting Squall peace dimmed. When he was in close range, with much enthusiasm Selphie sounded "WAKE UP SQUALL!!" With a jolt of surprise the brunette rolled out of his chair, much to his dismay and Selphie's amusement.

Picking himself back up from the ground he glared at the culprit, then got back into his chair. With much annoyance he looked back at Selphie. " So tell me. What is it that you want that's so important that you had to disturb me?"

Most people probably would have probably ran in fear after disturbing Squall, but Selphie wasn't one of those people and on occasions she lived for the moments in which she could mess with him. And by the sound of her tone it was more than true. " Well Commander No Fun, as you must know, there is something I require from you."

"Which is?" He raised his eye brow in further inquiry.

"Say something to the camera!" She exclaimed jollily.

His usual scowl appeared on his face as he looked at her, then turned his back towards her and her camera "Go away, Selphie. Go bother Zell or Irvine. Better yet, go bother anyone but me."

The sound of Selphie huffing could be heard and not long after she sat the video recorder down on the ground adjusting it so it could get a clear view of Squall. Afterwards the sound of foot steps in the sand resonated, it getting further away until it couldn't be heard.

Some moments later two pairs of legs stepped in front of the image recorder and the sound of Squall's surprised shrilly cry could be heard when a pail of water was poured over him, soaking him. Selphie quickly picked up her video recorder and ran a a safe distance from him but kept him in view of the lens.

" OH! YOU'RE SO NAUGHTY SQUALL! HAVING SOME WET DREAMS ARE YOU? I GUESS RINNY ISN'T GIVING YOU ENOUGH IF YOU GOTTA DREAM ABOUT IT, HUH?!" She yelled from her safe distance.

Normally she wouldn't be this taunting to the young commander, but she couldn't help it. He blew her off like a sack of potatoes and she didn't like it, and if he wasn't going to create a wonderful memory for her diary, then she was going to do it for him.

Maybe she should have reconsidered….

Squall came rushing towards her, sand kicking up behind him as he ran with raging speed. Selphie squealed and almost dropped the camera as she turned around in a different direction running down the beach with an angry brunette chasing after her, yelling inappropriate words.

Soon the small brunette was panting heavily inside a cove, hiding from the pissed off garden commander. She gave him credit for his speed, but no matter how quick he was, she was quicker. Something she prized herself for.

Selphie, for the first time since she's had the camera on and rolling turned the camera on herself, still panting, although, lightly. A grin played on her lips.

"Okay… note to self: don't taunt Squall no matter what. It's dangerous and stupid. Remember that me. You're too young and cute to die." she said into the camera before removing herself from the lens view and getting a good clear shot at the vast water and sharp rocks. Selphie stayed for a moment capturing that scenery before deciding it was safe to leave.

The young girl peeked out of from the coves corner making sure it was actually safe instead of assuming and going out to her doom. Now that she thought about it, she was glad he didn't bring Lionheart… The view shook as a chill ran up her spine from the thought.

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**A/N: I decided to try and do this in a camera like view point, so of course Selphie won't be the spotlight since she's the one using it. Well, unless I make it so. Anyway. I did my best to make it actually make it real as possible with that camera, but I don't know… I really don't think I did a good job (it's harder than it looks). **

**Now! Moving on. This is obviously a two part. So… expect it soon. Maybe (I've been lacking utterly. Not that anyone reads or care.) eh, well, for the most part I still hope this good and that if anyone reads at all, I hope you like this. I'm doing my best to make this good. So, yeah… Seeyas!**

**~Selphie~**

**Oh. By the way.. Just one more itsy bitsy teeny weenie thing I wanna say… Please review, even if it's to say how much it sucks and you hate it. Just don't do it to be mean or anything. Say what was wrong with it and what I can do to make it better (If possible at all). That would be a lot of help. Thanks. Sorry for me being a nuisance.**


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